Should the anti-Christ desire a human form to strike terror into the hearts of people, I believe Joan Rivers would be the obvious choice. That woman looks completely evil. And if idle hands are the devil's workshop, then she would be all the more qualified candidate because the epitome of useless in our society (after hippies, but they admit they're useless, so they come further down my shit list. . . ) are those that hold the occupation of Fashion Critic. If we are what we wear, then we're all cotton, polyester, silk, and organs that used to hold some creatures blood and muscles together (that's leather for you slow fucks, I'm tired of waiting for you!). Okay, now comes a big FUCK YOU from Jack to all fashion critics. You are the bottom of the barrel, and you should be given blisters and then made to dig so that you may never enjoy a moment of creating ditches for those of us helping humanity to evolve. I should now apologize to all ditch diggers, who help us to evolve. You may be in charge of these inconsequential beings tossing opinions about colors and patterns hiding the things we truly want to see. And here's another thing: why have pretty fashion models? All we want is to see is them with their clothes off! Well, that's all in the past now, because these anorexic toothpicks should floss my ass! Don't get me wrong, I hate fat people, too, probably more, but models have proven that you can take a good thing (that lean, skinny stereotype) too far. We've all gotta find that happy medium, and be happy with ourselves. I'm not gonna go up to you and take it out that you're fat, but I will not want to have sex with you, and that's what we want: everyone else to want to have sex with us. Except that some of us are terrified by homosexuals, and don't want them to want us. Hey, being thought of as sexy is being thought of as sexy. If you are prone to fucking someone who finds you sexy, you might just find your crotch hosting a seafood buffet (crabs on special, get it?). So, here's my answer to homophobes: don't have sex with them and the fear will go. Where in the fuck have I, ah yes, you know who is sexy, though? Well, who I want to make animalistic love to, is Joan Rivers' daughter, what's-her-name? She breathes sex! Maybe it's because she's always sitting next to her fuck off ugly mom, but I would be such a gentleman to her so that I may get the opportunity to hear her scream in joy. I suppose my comments upon her mother will void my chances of that, but I have this fantasy where she comes up, throws a drink in my face (something with Brandy), and says, "that's for mother!" and then she grabs my tie (or whatever), pulls our bodies together, pauses just for a moment to pear into my eyes with a look that says "I own you . . ." and then kisses me with violent tongue and says, "and that was for me." Then we make that love I mentioned earlier. Afterwards (this part is past fantasy, it's the reality if it really happened), she'd be massaging my muscles, asking me what she should do with her life since fashion is utterly useless, and I give some suggestions (by then, I'd know something about her likes, because, I'm a giver, you see?) and she'd take off to do them, leaving me broken hearted, but wiser, and we'd always wondered what could have been if we didn't (I didn't) have these higher purposes in our lives (hers would escalate after I convinced her to leave fashion).

Gays . . . I have no sympathy for gays, gay people, that being homosexuals. You know why? They don't have to put up with a woman's shit! Hold on, don't get me wrong, it goes both ways (nice touch, eh?). Lesbian's don't have to put up with men's shit either, and I think that's what really pisses the hetero's off. We all know that Men are from one planet and women are from some other one and we communicate differently, but the bottom line is that both men and women put out a lot of shit for a lifetime partner to deal with, and being a member of that sex makes it easy in knowing what to expect. Guys know they want to fuck and just watch the game or go to sleep. Women know . . . whatever they know. That's just plain unfair! And you know, if no one is gonna do anything for the black people (you know, slavery) or the people who were here before that Euro-trash fucked them over (I have this slight problem with saying "Native Americans" because it wasn't America before the Euros got here, stuck their flag in the dirt, and told them to fuck off because they had guns, bit of a crock), so why should we do anything for gays? Now, hold on, hold on, my sympathy goes out to anyone who is a victim of hate crime. But the fact is that in this day and age in America, no matter who you are or what you do, there are individuals, probably organizations out there that hate you and want to do something awful to you. That's what equality has brought us, but it's true. You can do nothing, and the people that wish nightly upon lucky stars for your extermination are out there, possibly right next door. We are all potential victims for hate crimes, but those that are get a wish from me for karma to hurry up and shed its good side on them. As for homosexuals, they share the earth as anyone else. They might deserve more of a break because they're not bringing in more assholes like the rest of us are. Every more dumb kid we plop out is one more step towards cannibalism as the soils deplete. Sexual orientation, color, creed, race, religion, political affiliation, whether you like butter or jam, none of it will matter when there's nothing more to fucking eat . . . except each other (ha!).

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10/5/2k