 
Skewtoons by Jack's buddy James Allen |
 I just got that sign to put on my car. This woman cop pulled me over to ask where I got it. That's all she did, and I was mad because I was in the usual hurry. Hide me, quick! I hadn't planned on any follow-ups on anything I said, but then again, I don't plan on much of what I say (obviously, that's what makes life so damn fun), but I didn't get any angry attack email responses, so everyone either agrees or is lazy, and both are sad. Here's my next subject: gay marriage. Now, recently the presidential debates have been going on, and it looks like no one wants to stick up for gay marriage. I guess that means that not enough gays vote, or other people vote according to their own homophobia, and the voters are that ignorant. Baby Bush said he believed that marriage was a sacred institution between a man and a woman. Is that the central point of the argument against gay marriage? This point gets Jack Jameson's bullshit target of the week! Here we go now: If marriage is so fuck off sacred, then why do half of them end up in divorce? Doesn't sound so sacred to me. Let's let the fact that anti-gay marriage opinion is the exact same opinion as "homosexuals can't truly fall in love." So, how fucking irritating that homophobe heteros want to horde this self-proclaimed "sacred" institution where the vow (and I use that term loosely), "till death do us part" means neither jack nor shit to half of those who say it. I would respect it more if people would exclaim, "we don't want gays to marry because then they'd get the same tax breaks so that we'd have to pay more!" At least there's a reason there, and not some poorly camouflaged hatred without any foundation. Not only should they be allowed to marry so that that "sacred" institution can fuck up their lives just as it does everyone else who says the vow, but we need to get rid of this "partner" shit. If you haven't noticed, gay people refer to their lovers as their "partners," and it is entirely confusing. Are they business partners? What the fuck?! And the truth is, it's not the gay man's problem, it's the lesbian's. If a man says he has a boyfriend, we all know what he means because we heteros are too concerned with our vain masculinity to ever talk about our "boyfriends" but we'd would know what was meant if they did; however, it seems all girls have "girlfriends" and if some woman mentions her girlfriend, what do we think? That's right, one of her little pajama party buds. So, lesbians must say partner so heteros won't get confused, as if that makes sense. An effort should be made so that "girlfriend" has one meaning. We should just reserve the terms "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" for those of us (which is just about all you romance-challenged love minions) who are too chicken-shit to say "lovers." What's wrong with "lovers?" That's a great term! It says it all right there: we are lovers! We have sex, and it's good enough for each of us to know that we're gonna keep having sex! Lovers! It works for everyone! What a beautiful thing to say, too! Go out, find a couple, and talk about your lover (and flick your tongue on the "L" of the word, it implies much more), and they'll hate that you've found what they cannot because they haven't figured out that the formula of romance in our pop culture is not the same thing as what it is in real life. It's a shame that most people are confused and can't tell the difference. Pop culture romance vs. Real life romance is the same argument as Meet the Flintstones vs. a documentary. Anyways, bottom line: this argument, "gays shouldn't wed because marriage is sacred," is not just one that can't hold water, but is absolute bullshit. This brings me to my next quick subject tap: divorce. I have an idea for divorce people who say the vows as opposed to take the vows. If you're married and you divorce, neither of you gets the money, it all goes to your kids! Isn't that great? It goes into a trust fund (tapped only for school), and when the youngest hits 20, they decide who gets what, and it can't go to them. They can go 50-50, 20-80, or all to one. That'll keep some of you married fucks together instead of screwing your kids' lives. Oh, and here's the other part, if you wait till they're grown to get divorced, your kids get the money to keep for themselves. Each partner of the dissolved marriage walks out with what they came in with. Should there be no children, the money goes to orphanages. Think about what that will do! The hope is that it'll make people think more before they walk the plank into marriage. Let's face it, marriage isn't for everyone, but most of us feel the impending need to get married, so much that if a person is 50+ years old and never been married, people look at this individual like a side-show freak. Fuck that! I shake their hand for being smart enough not to make that mistake. Mr. Bullshit says, "See, people aren't freaks or losers if they've been divorced, but to not get married? Oh, my!" Fuck you! Divorced people renigged on a big-time vow! And I'm here to remind them of that. We let'em off too easily. I remind them they fucked up. You meet someone that's never been married, pat'em on the back and buy'em a drink. We should be smart enough to find out the pitfalls of marriage to decide if it's the right choice for us just as we do with other things like guns, drugs, careers, etc. Marriage hungry people, watch out, cause you're a step away from being targeted on Jack Jameson shit list!!! It's for the kids, people. We're building up here to a milestone, . . .
end 10/29/2k Jack Jameson's First Rant Jack Jameson: Enemy of Fashion Jack Jameson vs. Love Latest Rant |
content copyright 2000 the author
art copyright 2000 skewed perspective